Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
