I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
