Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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