you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
