I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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