just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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