I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
