hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
