Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
