I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
