Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
