you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
