I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
