I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
