on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
