i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
