We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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