until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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