i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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