so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize