Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize