for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
