Apparently you make a good broom.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
