Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
