Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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