somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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