She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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