Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
