the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
