I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
