it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
