Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
