Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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