so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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