i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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