I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
