no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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