I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
