I'm gonna have a badass scar
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
