HIV tests are more positive than that guy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
