I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
