I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
