lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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