Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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