Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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