I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
