We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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