How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
