Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
