I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
