What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
