It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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