Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
