Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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