He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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