I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
