I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
