so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
