I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
