he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
