the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
