don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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