she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
