Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
