Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
