So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I currently don't understand fingers.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
